Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
