she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
