Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
