dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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