So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
