dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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