ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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