Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
