hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
