I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
