How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
