i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
