those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
