That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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