i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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