Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
