i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
the night ended with taco bell and tears
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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