Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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