I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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