We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
