It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
