My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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