I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
