when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
