God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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