i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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