Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
