Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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