im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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