No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
