I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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