So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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