She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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