About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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