1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
