I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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