All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
