How'd it feel making her break her religion?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Randomize
