a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
