would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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