My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
