??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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