we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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