I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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