Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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