I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
