Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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