Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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