i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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