What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
