i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
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She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
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I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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