Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Randomize
