Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
