it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
