Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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