there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
