:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Randomize
