we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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