someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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