What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
