We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
