Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
