when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
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