You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
