Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
