If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
