Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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