We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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