I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
