Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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