he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
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I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
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holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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