The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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