It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
