Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
