did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Randomize