Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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