Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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