Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
